


A Grave Proposal

by miceenscene



Series: Shakarian - A Descent into Madness [8]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 21:05:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17553197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miceenscene/pseuds/miceenscene
Summary: Nothing else in Garrus & Shepard's lives had ever gone according to plan, why would this?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Static](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7139975) by [Kelenloth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelenloth/pseuds/Kelenloth). 



> Thanks to Kelenloth for her good good fic that inspired this one. Go check out Static for the good kush.

     Shepard scrolled further down the datafile, frowning as she skimmed over the contents. This didn’t seem to be what she was looking for either. She pinched the bridge of her nose and leaned back on the couch in her quarters. Of all the things she needed to think about, this was certainly lower in priority than say, saving the whole damn galaxy. Again. But here in the quiet of her room at the end of another very long day, it was occupying much more of her mind than it should.

     She heaved a heavy breath and craned her neck to look at the clock on her nightstand. Garrus was usually here by this time; knocking politely at the door no matter how many times she told him he didn’t have to. She dropped her head back onto the couch and flicked further down on the datapad. She closed the document and opened up another one while stifling a yawn. She forced her eyes back open--stay awake. They had such precious little time together, she could stay up and wait for him. He wouldn’t be long.

 

     Garrus raised a hand and knocked twice on the door to Shepard’s quarters. There was no reply. Maybe she was finally making good on her promise to make him stop knocking. Suppressing a grin, and almost 30 years of polite Turian protocol, he opened the door with a quiet hiss. The room was dark, save the glow of the fish tanks. Shepard’s calming scent filled the air, but he didn't see her. The bed was empty and still made. He walked to the stairs and spotted her--fast asleep on the couch, a datapad cradled in her arms. There were two bottles of wine and two unused glasses on the table.

     He sighed. He knew that he was late, but he’d hoped that he hadn’t missed the small window they had to see each other. He’d have to make it up to her tomorrow. He went and pulled down the blankets on her side of the bed, at least the side where she started. She had a habit of sprawling across every horizontal surface available to her while she slept. Careful not to wake her, he picked her up and tucked her into the bed. She stirred but then relaxed back into sleep. He smoothed a bit of her hair away from her face. 

     Noticing the datapad still in her arms, he chuckled a little. Ever the workaholic. It took some finessing, but he slipped it from her arms. She seemed loathed to let it go. As he picked it up, it activated again. He glanced at the screen as he set it down on the nightstand. He turned away and stopped. Had he read that right? He turned back and turned the pad on again.

     He stared at the screen for a full minute. Before falling back to sit on the bed, narrowly missing Shepard’s sleeping form as he did. He read the whole datafile, just to check that the title wasn’t misleading. It wasn’t. 

     Shepard had been researching Turian marital customs.

     He ran a hand over the back of his neck as the implications of this discovery began to stack sky high. A warm happy feeling filled his chest. He’d be a damn liar if he tried to pretend that some small secret part of him wasn’t hoping that someday he’d be able to do most of the things in the datafile with her. A brief image of Shepard with bright blue colony markings flitted across his mind. His focus was drawn back to reality when Shepard turned onto her side, facing away from him.

     But there was so much standing between where they were now and the things he, and apparently she, dreamed about. Namely the Reapers, galactic destruction, deep seated prejudice between their peoples, but even down to more normal concerns like where would they live? He wasn’t sure how long humans could live on Palaven with all the radiation, perhaps the Citadel would be better.

     He turned off the datapad and placed it on her nightstand. He sat in the dark for a while. The only sound was Shepard’s steady breathing and the hum of the engines far below. He wondered if he shouldn’t wake her up and they talk about this right here, right now. But she was Shepard. When she had something to tell him, she would. Of that he was certain. Maybe she wasn’t ready to say anything just yet. He could certainly understand. 

     He looked down at her as she flipped her way into the center of the bed, still sound asleep. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he crawled into one of the empty spaces that she left for him. He made a mental note to do some research on the topic himself. He wanted to be ready when she was.

 

     He carried the happy secret with him for the next few days. It brought a spring to his step. But the war had other plans. He was back in Shepard’s room, their recent “victories” haunting the backs of both their minds. They saved the Krogan but lost Mordin. They rescued the Council at the cost of Thane. They reclaimed Rannoch and Legion died. Reports rolled in hourly of the desolation across the galaxy. Exhaustion hung over both of them like a thick blanket, but sleep was nowhere to be found. Her back was against his shoulder as they sat on the couch, his arm casually draped across her chest. Garrus was vaguely reading a report from Palaven, but he couldn’t focus enough to move more than a few words at a time.

     Shepard broke the comfortable silence. “Garrus?”

     “Hm?” He didn’t look up.

     “You awake?”

     “Yeah, yeah.” He set the datapad on the seat next to him and looked over at the back of her head.

     “I’ve been thinking.”

     “Uh oh,” he said with a slight smile. But she didn’t reply. An errant thought wondered if she was finally ready to tell him about her research. He was certainly ready to tell her about his--rings and flowers and veils. He’d never realized how complex human weddings were. He bit down to keep from spilling his secret too soon. Her mouth opened and shut a few times, but no words came out. 

     He tightened the arm across her chest, pulling her closer, and she gripped it with her hands. But she didn’t turn to look at him.

     “The Crucible is nearing completion,” she said, finally.

     “Yes?” Oh. This was… unexpected. Garrus wasn’t sure where this was going. She was quiet for another minute before speaking again.

     “And we’ve done this enough times to know that we’re heading towards something. Something final. Something that will decide… one way or another.” Her voice was slow and deliberate. Each word chosen with excruciating care.

     “Yes, probably... hopefully.” He tried to look at her face, but from this angle all he could see was the curve of her cheek.

     “And while I think we have done everything in our power to give the galaxy the greatest chance to survive this…” She stopped. Her jaw clenched and unclenched. “I’m not convinced that the same chance applies to me.”

     His happy thoughts of proposals froze and shattered. “Shepard,” Garrus breathed, trying to keep his stomach from bottoming out. She turned a little to catch his gaze.

     “So I think we should get married.”

     He blinked a few times. Wondered if his translator had glitched. “W-what?”

     She turned all the way around to face him, crossing her legs and taking his hands in hers.

     “I did research to try and see if there was a faster, or more permanent way to do this. But nothing that I found has quite the sticking power as marriage. And we’re running out of time for anything else.”

     His feelings of elation were severely undercut by the confusion of the context in which this happy revelation was delivered to him.

     “What does… What does this have to do with the Crucible?”

     “If we’re married, you have the final say,” she said cryptically. Seeing his reaction, or lack of one, she elaborated. “I want you to have power of attorney over my estate and my… remains.”

     Finally the last block clicked into place for Garrus. The reality of what she was asking towered over him. His world reeled.

     “And at this point, getting married is the best way to guarantee that,” she continued.

     She seemed so calm; he was feeling anything but. Indignation and distress and panic all swirled together into a heady cocktail. How could she ask this of him? Why would she frame it as a proposal? 

     He heard himself say firmly, “No.”

     “No?” She looked surprised. “You don’t want to marry me?”

     “No, I-” He pulled his hands away and stood up quickly. He needed to pace, to run, maybe even shoot something. “I-I don’t want to talk about this.”

     Shepard looked at him incredulously. His unexpected response snapping her out of the calm pretense she built up. “You... we have to.”

     “No, we really don’t.”

     “Yes, we really do,” she insisted, her brow furrowing. “You understand that we are running out of time, right? W-we are not months from the Crucible being finished. We are not even weeks, we are days away!”

     “I know that!”

     “So when should we talk about this, hm? Should I just schedule a time between the Reapers destroying both our home planets to discuss it?” she asked, bitterly. A twinge of regret told her that that was definitely unfair to bring up, but her frustration kept her focused. 

     Garrus took a measured breath, trying to bring his emotions back into some form of control. He wasn’t very successful. “Why do we even have to talk about this at all? It is all hypothetical and I don’t even think it’s healthy.”

     “It’s practical. And besides that, it’s important. To  _ me _ .”

     “Shepard, if you think for one second that I’m going let you give up--”

     “I’m not giving up. I’m facing facts.”

     “Facts,” he scoffed, turning away to pace again. “This isn’t facts, this is fear.”

     “It’s not--”

     “You know better than this. You  _ are _ better than this,” he insisted.

     “Garrus, please. You’re the only person that I trust to do this.” 

     “To do what? To bury you?” His voice echoed in the chamber. 

     “Yes!”

     “I… I won’t.” He shook his head. “I won’t do this so you can give in.”

     Her shoulders dropped and her voice lowered. “Please. I need this. I just… I need a guarantee.”

     “A guarantee of what?” He snapped, glaring at her.

     “That I won’t be brought back again!” Her voice broke and she swallowed hard. 

     He froze. 

     “I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I die out there, that that will be it. That Liara or the Alliance or whoever can’t hand me off to someone like Cerberus because they decided that the galaxy needs me.” She shook her head as her face fell and her breaths shuddered. “Garrus, I am so tired. I can’t do this again. And I don’t think it’s too selfish of me to make sure that I can’t be asked.”

     Her hands covered her face and she folded in on herself for a few minutes. Garrus felt like he was planted where he stood. His emotions dropping from their fever pitch into despondency. He felt the weight of what she was asking settle on his shoulders.

     If Turians were capable of shedding tears, he would have. Especially when Shepard lifted her head again. Her eyes were red and her cheeks damp and flushed.

     “I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head and rubbing harshly at her eyes. “This came out all wrong.”

     “No, I… I understand now,” he said quietly. She looked briefly up at him, only to glance away.

     “I didn’t want it to be like this. I know this isn’t an easy request and it’s not easy for me to ask either. I guess some part of me just hoped that things would look better at this point.” She shrugged her shoulders and heaved a steadying breath.

     They were both quiet for a minute before Garrus spoke again.

     “How long have you known?”

     “I knew that I had to make some arrangements since I left Earth.” She stared at him for a moment. “But I knew that I wanted to marry you long before that,” she admitted quietly, solemnly.

     At that Garrus drifted back to sit next to her, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. The hairsbreadth of a gap between them felt like it was electrified.

     “Is this why you were researching Turian marital customs?” His voice was quiet.

     “You knew about that?” she asked, matching his tone.

     “I accidentally saw your datapad.”

     “Oh.” Her hands were folded tightly together, as if she didn’t trust them to behave on their own accord. “Yes, it was. I didn’t… I know you bond for life and I didn’t want to…” She pursed her lips, but he could hear the end of her sentence. 

     “Shepard… you’re already it for me.” Her eyes met his, shining in the dim light. “No one else could eclipse you at this point no matter what happens.”

     She took a shuddering breath. “I’m so sorry.”

     “I’m not.” He watched a single tear escape and roll down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly.

     He looked back down at the floor and silently cursed the Reapers. They didn’t deserve this fate, these responsibilities. But as always, he knew what he had to do. “I’ll do it.” Garrus looked over at her. She met his gaze, her eyes rounded in surprise. “I can do this for you.”

     “Garrus,” she said in a thick voice, leaning towards him.

     “But I have one condition.”

     She stopped and nodded silently.

     “ _ When _ we both walk away from this Reaper battle, I want to marry you again. Formally.” A corner of her mouth lifted slightly. “We’ll invite everyone in the galaxy and you can wear a white dress uniform.” She breathed a single laugh at that. “And we’ll exchange rings and I’ll paint my colony markings on you and we’ll live happily ever after, just like the stories.” He took one of her hands in his and pulled her close with his other arm. She sighed contentedly, her arm wrapping about his neck. 

     They could both almost see the beautiful future he had proposed before them. Neither of them had ever wanted something so much in their entire lives.

     “You are what I’m fighting for,” he said, resting his cheek on the top of her head. “Fight for me. Fight for us.”

     “I am. I will.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

     There was a child. A choice. A decision. An explosion. A moment of blinding pain. And then there was Nothing.

     There was Nothing went as far as her eyes could see. It surrounded her, consumed her. She seemed to float in it. The only thing that told her she was anywhere was a pinprick of light far, far above her. For a while, she just looked up at the light. It was calming here in the Nothing. Would it really be so bad to just stay here? But as she looked up at the light, she felt that she had to move towards it. She pulled herself up through the Nothing, up towards the light.

     The Nothing had a current. It very much wanted her to sink down and stay down. It was easier to not fight the current, to just let it pull her further from the light. She was so tired.

     But something inside reminded her that she had to fight. She must fight. Fight for what she couldn’t quite recall. But giving up was not an option. So, tired as she was, she pulled herself up again.

     It was agonizing and seemingly eternal. It could have only been minutes or it could have been months. The Nothing kept going always. At times the current was overwhelming, pulling her back down. But she kept pushing. The light growing slowly, ever so slowly, larger. The Nothing brightening around her.

     As it grew brighter, she heard something. Who knew how long it had been since she heard anything? But now she heard… voices! They echoed through the Nothing, distorted and unintelligible. She needed to get closer. She pulled harder. The strain against the current was enormous. But she was so close. The voices grew clearer.

     “...and 110 over 80,” one of the voices said.

     “Brain activity is increased from last week,” the other one replied. She didn’t recognize either voice.

     “That’s good, right?” an odd sounding voice asked. It was as if it had two concurrent tones. The current pulled harder and she struggled to push further up. 

     “Yes, it is. She’s making slow but steady progress--”

     “But you don’t know when she’ll wake up,” the dual toned voice interrupted the second. She knew that voice. She loved that voice. She stretched an arm out, straining for the surface, unsure if one actually existed. The current was stronger than ever.

     “No, there’s still no way to tell.”

     Suddenly, her fingers broke through the Nothing, her head a moment later. She gasped for air, unaware that she hadn’t been breathing this whole time.

     “What was that?”

     “What in the…”

     “She’s fibrillating.”

     The current pulled her back under and she struggled against it.

     “What’s wrong?”

     “Get an AED, she’s having another cardiac episode. Sir, I need you to leave.”

     She tried to push back to the surface, but the current pulled her further down.

     “What is happening? Is she okay?”

     “She’s in good hands, but I need you to go out into the hall.”

     “No! I don’t--”

     “Mr. Shepard-Vakarian, please. If you don’t comply, I will be forced to call security.”

     The voices continued talking but they were unintelligible now. And as she sank back down eventually they stopped all together. She struggled just hard enough to keep herself from being pulled back down into total darkness again.

     She stared up at the light. She had to get back up there. She wanted to hear the voices again. She waited for some of her strength to return and she tried again. Pulling fast and hard to escape the drag. Soon, she could hear them again.

     “...Ridiculous! And I shouldn’t have to call the Shadow Broker to know how my mate is progressing,” the dual-toned voice said harshly. 

     “This is the way things are done in human hospitals,” another voice replied, airy and light. She knew that voice too. She loved that one too. “They don’t want you to know until you have to.” 

     “It’s ridiculous.”

     “Yes, you said that.”

     “Have you finished?”

     “I’ve been finished for 7 minutes, but you seemed like you needed to get that off your chest.”

     “This is all just numbers, I don’t… What does it mean?”

     “I’m not an expert in human biology, but it looks like she’s making steady but slow progress.”

     “Dammit, T’Soni. It’s been eight months, how much slower can it be?”

     She pulled harder; the Nothing about her growing brighter every moment. The current lessening as she went higher and higher.

     “I’m sorry. That was… I’m sorry. I’m just…”

     “I know. ...Garrus, how long has it been since you left her room?”

     She was very nearly near the surface again. But there was no struggle. The current was gone. It was as though she was rising of her own accord.

     “We’re worried about you. You know that no one expects you to spend night and day at her side.”

     “I don’t care what anyone else expects. I care what  _ I _ expect.”

     Gently, she broke through the Nothing and took a deep breath. For a moment it was peaceful. But then her senses were overwhelmed as reality swept in to overtake the Nothing.

     “She’ll understand if you’re not there the moment she wakes up,” Liara’s voice came through a tinny speaker. 

     “I know,” Garrus bristled. “I have to be here ...in case she doesn’t.”

     Pain was the foremost sensation. But it wasn’t overwhelming, just made its presence very solidly known. She was able to push past it and gain a sense of her body. She could wiggle the fingers on her right hand, that was good. However she couldn’t seem to do anything for her left... or her legs. Concerning.

     “She’s making progress. There’s every sign that she’ll pull through.”

     “You weren’t here last week; you didn’t see. It was like she was drowning… even after all this time.” He sighed. “I know. I know you’re right.”

     “I’ll come by tomorrow. So someone will be there with her. Give you a chance to take a breath.”

     “Thank you. See you then.”

     She heard the quiet ping of an omnitool being turned off and rain pattering against a window. She cracked an eye open, then the other. Everything was blurry and far, far too bright. But eventually shapes settled into objects--ceiling, chair, monitors. She glanced over towards the window and her heart flipped.

     Garrus was staring out at the darkening landscape, resting an arm against the glass. Tears filled her eyes, overflowing and wetting her pillow. She couldn’t see his face. She needed to see his face. 

     She tried to call out to him, but her voice didn’t seem to be working. It just came out as a hoarse gasp. Her body was wracked with a cough and it took her a minute to recover.

     When it subsided, she looked over and he was staring at her, his face cautious. Grimacing, she lifted a corner of her mouth.

     “Hey handsome,” she croaked. 

     “Shepard.” He almost fell in his rush to be at her side. A steady keen came from his subvocals as he hesitated over her. “Where can I touch you? Where does it hurt?”

     She coughed again. “Everywhere.”

     “Do you need more pain medication? I’ll go get the--”

     “No, no... I’m fine for now... I just want to see your face.” She lifted the arm she could still feel and he knelt down, bringing his cheek to her palm. It was warm and rough and exactly as she remembered. She started to remember everything else too. “What happened? What’s the damage?”

     “It was miraculous. The Reapers just fell out of the sky. The big wave knocked out a lot of higher electronics, but they’re back online now.”

     “And EDI and the Geth?”

     He looked astonished. “You--They’re fine. They were knocked off too, but they’re back now. EDI’s overseeing the Normandy repairs and Tali’s with the Geth rebuilding Rannoch.”

     A huge weight lifted from Shepard’s shoulders and she let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. Garrus gently covered her hand with his.

     “And how about me?” she dared to ask. “What’s the damage here?”

     He looked at her for a prolonged moment before admitting, “They had to resuscitate you twice. But you were never officially declared dead.”

     “I suppose I can let it slide,” she said with a slight smile. She dropped her hand and he brought it to his mouth, pressing it against the plates in a kiss. “Why can’t I feel my left arm? Or my legs?”

     His face fell. “Because you don’t… have them anymore.”

     She looked over and she noticed that after her upper arm disappeared under the blanket, it was suspiciously flat. “That… would explain it. Huh. Wow. Am I missing anything else? An eye? Liver? Heart?”

     “No.” He shook his head, smiling a little. “No, your heart was very safe with me.”

     “Garrus… that was so cheesy.”

     “Yeah?”

     “Yeah. Do you want me to go back to sleep for another eight months so you can think of some better lines?”

     He chuckled. “How about this one? There’s no need to worry about losing your limbs, Shepard. You’re all right now.”

     She looked at him for a moment. “You didn’t think of that.”

     “No, Joker did. Tali punched him when he said it.”

     A laugh bubbled from her chest and she coughed a little. 

     “Sorry.”

     “Don’t be.” She squeeze his hand. “Hey, I found a spot that doesn’t hurt.”

     “Where?”

     She tapped her forehead. “Pucker up, buttercup.”

     He laughed gently and leaned towards her. “I missed you.” 

     “I missed you too.” He gently touched his forehead to hers and rested it there for a minute, their breaths mingling together. “We won?” she whispered.

     “We won.” He stared deeply into her eyes and gently brushed her cheek. “I think I should go get a doctor now.”

     She sighed but nodded, their foreheads still touching. “Probably."

     "Don't go anywhere."

     "Wouldn't dream of it."

     He smiled and stood back up, heading for the door. He paused and turned back to look at her. “Hey Shepard?”

     “Hm?”

     “Will you marry me?”

     She smiled. “Yeah.”


End file.
